~LetTiNg gO~

she thought she would cry... feeling the pain in her heart, and the crushing heart, burning into ash... she thought she would die for that decision she would make... a decision that will change her life, so much, that she might not even recognize herself, for loosing what she had been living for...

but, somehow... she felt nothing... frankly... she felt relieved... freed...

it's been 3 years, 8 months and 5 days.they were together since her first birthday in this town. she met him in the bar, he overlooking her, like a beautiful princess among all other girls. he loved her. she could tell, from his deep blue eyes.

and she loved him too...

1 year later, she decided to give them a try. she said yes, and thus, they journey began...
at first, it was full of surprises. flowers, phone calls...

she decided to move in with him...

lovely sweet small house made for 2, she cleaned it everyday, bringing joy to the cozy little home sweet home, welcoming her apple of the eye with warm tasty meals... he was so happy he met her, he thought he would never love again... she was so happy she met him, she never knew she could feel the sensation so magical like that...

another year passed by. the passion cooled down... he turned himself away... on work, on friends... she was left alone at home... most of the time... she remembered her third birthday, forgotten, disappointing, and sad... it was in mid december... but somehow, the winter never felt as cold as that year...

responsibility... she thought it should be like that. he still told her, i love you, very much... she still felt the heat in him, in her...

somehow, the magic is fading away...

he started to take things for granted... she started to start crying... not even home sick will make her felt that bad... she thought, it's because she loved him so much, so she can cry...

5 more months... she moved out... even when she's feeling sad, she didn't cry for him anymore. even when he told her, i love you, all she can do was, smile, meaowing to him as he called her his little kitten, but feeling so heavy, and guilty for not being able to feel the passion, the urge of saying the magic words to him anymore...

phone calls was so much lesser, no more replying of sms... at first, she missed him... staying together for such long time made her felt, was she making a stupid mistake...
two month later... she started to get used to not missing him... the idea made her felt terrible, and scared... they still met each other constantly, but somehow, she had the feeling of avoiding him...
three months later... she was tired... it's becoming more like a burden to her, torturing her... even thought she had him, but never had she felt more lonely...

he missed their meeting again... suddenly she realised, she's not going to hang on to it anymore... frigthened, but more relieved than sad, more of feeling free than guilty.

she gave him back his guitar, the coat he left with her when he was over at her place, the cigarette pack and his favourite book...

a song from childhood, suddenly she remembered. 'tomorrow, even if i will be alone, i will be smiling... even if no one will remember my name...'

saturday, snowing... she knew, she will be alone... but somehow, she felt glad...